She cries more, more, more...

Got my new tattoo...see my myspace picture. I love it. I gave Phil a lot of freedom to do what he thought would look good...and it turned out great. I am sooooo happy with it. 

I don't really know what else to write...it's pretty late and I'm pretty tired.

Smart went crazy, the rubber bend went snap
This goes to those that hold it down 'til I get back
Hold on to me, grow along with me
I don't know where I'm goin but I'll end up in your arms
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So tired. I got home last night and wanted to hang out with Ellesse and Joelle cause we haven't hung out in forever. We ended up being up until 11:30 watching a movie, and I had the hardest time falling asleep afterwards. Even with smoking, I couldn't just pass out like I wanted to. I was lying in bed, thinking about everything that's going on right now, and I couldn't get my body to slow down. I finally started nodding off around 12:30, when Nate calls. I ignore the call, but the loud ringing shocked me awake. Then, at 1:00, Ray calls. I ignore that too, and lie in bed frustrated. I finally fall asleep around 1:30, only to get woken up at 3:30 by my cat. (Who, kept me awake until nearly 4:30am.) I got up at 6:15 to get ready for work...so, all in all, I got about 4 hours of sleep. And tonight...so much to do. Get off work, go straight to Berkeley to meet with my group, stop by my old apartment, get gas, go home, prepare for lab, work on project, get ready for Mark arriving tomorrow. So, not a lot of sleep tonight either. LAME. 

(I would like to take this moment to say I am simultaneously ecstatic and terrified of seeing Mark tomorrow. I've grown in the last month...but hearing his voice last night brought it all back. I can't believe how quickly June 20th arrived...I thought this time would take so long. But it flew by, and I'm nowhere near where I wanted to be today.)

This weekend was a lot of fun, but it was really full. Friday I got to my parents' at 6:30 and immediately started my 3 loads of laundry. While that was going on, I did research for my project. (Which, may I say, my group stuck me with the crappiest part. ) Saturday, got up at 7:30am. Did more work on my project, ran errands, washed and waxed my car, changed the oil in my car, showered, did more work on my project, met up with Kelly, went to the park, hung out at the park til 10:30, went to Shane's for a second, went home and fell asleep at 12:30. Sunday, got up at 8:30 and went to Sacramento with the parents, took a nap that wasn't nearly long enough, went out to dinner, did more laundry, did homework, responded to emails, wrote letter of lease termination, drove home, did all that crap mentioned earlier. Yea. I'm fucking tired.

Only 2 weeks of Anthro left. Project due next Tuesday. Final next Thursday. Ugh.

This weekend: Pride, Kelly & Darcy, Cousins, Mark, Sarah (?), studying...
  
Next week: Anthro ends, Social Welfare starts, Shane's show on Tuesday (?) if Ray doesn't come into town, work, take Mark back to Westly (eventually), hopefully find out about internship, post bed on craigslist, finish moving out of apartment...

... Dr. Martin Luther King Jr was assassinated. For some reason when I read that...it resonated. With all these amazing people who have lived, made an impact, and than left so quickly...how do you live up to that example? I want to live a life that's meaningful. I really do. I want to make a difference. I want to live beyond my own expectations. I want to surprise myself. To love. I mean this man, in such a short period of time, did so much. I don't necessarily want to do the same thing, but I want...something. Everything. Nothing at all.

"You know that everytime I move, I make a woman's movement"

This song almost made me cry today...


I love my country
By which I mean
I am indebted joyfully
To all the people throughout its history
Who have fought the government to make right
Where so many cunning sons and daughters
Our foremothers and forefathers
Came singing through slaughter
Came through hell and high water
So that we could stand here
And behold breathlessly the sight
How a raging river of tears
Cut a grand canyon of light

Yes, I've been so many places
Flown through vast empty spaces
With stewardesses whose hands
Look much older than their faces
I've tossed so many napkins
Into that big hole in the sky
Bin at the bottom of the Atlantic
Seething in a two-ply
Looking up through all that water
And the fishes swimming by
And I don't always feel lucky
But I'm smart enough to try
Cuz humility has buoyancy
And above us only sky
So I lean in
Breathe deeper that brutal burning smell
That surrounds the smoldering wreckage
That I've come to love so well
Yes, color me stunned and dazzled
By all the red white and blue flashing lights
In the American intersection
Where black crashed head on with white
Comes a melody
Comes a rhythm
A particular resonance
That is us and only us
Comes a screaming ambulance
A hand that you can trust
Laid steady on your chest
Working for the better good
(Which is good at its best)
And too, bearing witness
Like a woman bears a child...
With all her might

Born of the greatest pain
Into a grand canyon of light

I mean, no song has gone unsung here
And this joint is strung crazy tight
And people bin raising up their voices
Since it just ain't bin right
With all the righteous rage
And all the bitter spite
That will accompany us out
Of this long night
That will grab us by the hand
When we are ready to take flight
Seatback and traytable
In the upright and locked position
Shocked to tears by each new vision
Of all that my ancestors have done

Like, say, the women who gave their lives
So that I could have one

People, we are standing at ground zero
Of the feminist revolution
Yeah, it was an inside job
Stoic and sly
One we're supposed to forget
And downplay and deny
But I think the time is nothing
If not nigh
To let the truth out
Coolest f-word ever deserves a fucking shout!
I mean
Why can't all decent men and women
Call themselves feminists?
Out of respect
For those who fought for this
I mean, look around
We have this

Yes
I love my country
By which I mean
I am indebted joyfully
To all the people throughout its history
Who have fought the government to make right
Where so many cunning sons and daughters
Our foremothers and forefathers
Came singing through slaughter
Came through hell and high water
So that we could stand here
And behold breathlessly the sight
How a raging river of tears
Is cutting a grand canyon of light 



Wow.

This is an actual part of a letter I just got from my grandma:

"I just want you to know I am proud of your respect for yourself and others, as well as your kindness, generosity, and loyalty to our big family. I think you are an absolutely incredible young woman. Because of you, the world is a better place!"

Aw. I almost cried. That's such an amazing compliment.

My friend David's dad just died. Like just now.







goddamn.

I realized today that it would be better if I didn't take June off of school...So here's my summer schedule:

Biological Psychology~ MTWThF 9:00-10:30am (This class runs from July 3rd through August 11th)
Clinical Psychology~ TW 9:00-12:00pm 0101 (This class runs from May 22nd through June 30th)
Clinical Psychology~ Th 8:30-10:00am ("")  
Social Welfare/"Social Work as a Profession"~ MW 2:00-4:30pm (This class runs from June 26th through August 18th)
Social Welfare/"Social Work as a Profession"~ W 4:00-5:00pm ("")

So, I'm going to be in school straight through the summer...ugh...So not looking forward to this...But it will be good. I will take 15 units in the fall, 15 or 16 in the Spring and then graduate in May of '07. Not only will I graduate early, but I will graduate with the following Psych classes

• Introduction to Psychology
• Abnormal Psychology
• Human Sexuality
• Biological Psychology
• Developmental Psychology
• Developmental Psychopathology
• Psychology of Personality
• Clinical Psychology
• And either Gender Psychology or a Data/Statistical Psychology course

That's 27 Psych units, 24 of which are upper-level. This will help me greatly if I decide to pursue a PhD in Psychology...

 

In other notes...

   ~Kelly, I'm sorry, looks like I won't have all of June off. But I will only have class 3 days a week. Not bad, we still can hang out and party it up on the weekends. Plus, I'm out of class at 10am on Thursday, so that day doesn't really count anyways. :) See, I still thought of you when scheduling everything...Cause I love you...

   ~Ellesse and Joelle...I can move in June still if that's what needs to be done, no biggie. We should all start saving our money for a deposit now though...that's going to be pricey. Hopefully we can get an awesome landlord who will let us make payments...I will be non-stop school from now on, but you two know what that's like. Also, I will be staying in the Bay Area for at least a year after I graduate, so no worries about having to find a new roommate/apartment after I graduate. We can stay in the same place if that's what you two want.

I will probably write more later, I have this big long poem-type thing that's been in my head for awhile that I need to get out! I miss everyone, wish me luck with my crazy school endeavor, and come visit me! :)

 

She called me today. Her one phone call she gets like once every two weeks...And she called me. I love her so much. This is why I consider this girl my sister...today has been the worst in a long line of bad days, and then I get a suprise phone call from her. I seriously almost starting crying when she said "It's Messina". In the post office and everything...I had to step outside. My phone signal sucks and cut her off, but I still got to hear her voice. I miss her like crazy. I am so determined to see her in June.

DONE WITH FINALS BITCHES!

I think I did very well on my Human Rights final this morning. And I am glad. And relieved.

TIME TO PARTY! LET'S TEAR IT UP!

...Because I described my spiritual beliefs as being "part Buddhism and Agnostic". Haha.

You scored as Buddhism. Your beliefs most closely resemble those of Buddhism. Do more research on Buddhism and possibly consider becoming Buddhist, if you are not already. In Buddhism, there are Four Noble Truths: (1) Life is suffering. (2) All suffering is caused by ignorance of the nature of reality and the craving, attachment, and grasping that result from such ignorance. (3) Suffering can be ended by overcoming ignorance and attachment. (4) The path to the suppression of suffering is the Noble Eightfold Path, which consists of right views, right intention, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right-mindedness, and right contemplation. These eight are usually divided into three categories that base the Buddhist faith: morality, wisdom, and samadhi, or concentration. In Buddhism, there is no hierarchy, nor caste system; the Buddha taught that one's spiritual worth is not based on birth. </td> Buddhism 88% agnosticism 58% Paganism 54% Satanism 46% Hinduism 42% atheism 38% Islam 38% Christianity 25% Judaism 25% Which religion is the right one for you? (new version) created with QuizFarm.com

So, my cat is doing drugs. She'll be fine and then all of sudden her pupils get huge and she starts going crazy. Weird. She's also spoiled as shit...she meows at her toys when they don't do what she wants. She does the same things to flies that don't let her catch them. Spoiled ass.

Mark said he was going to call me in the morning, but he didn't. I'm kinda sad. Oh well, I'll talk to him later.

I have so much shit to do in the next 3 weeks, which totally blows. Who decided it was a good idea to have all teachers have work due at the same time? It just makes things more stressful. Teachers should have stuff do at different times. Bitches.

Does anyone really pay to use livejournal? I wonder...

I don't really have anything to say right now. Oh well.

I just added a class on Wednesday and today was my first discussion. It was from 8-9am, which I was really not excited about. We also had an assignment due, which I had somehow managed to finish by Wednesday! So, I wake up this morning at 7:35, (the one time my cat has done me a favor by waking me up early in the morning), and panic. I slept through my alarm, which went off at 7:00. There's no way I'll make it on time if I take the bus. So, I decided to take my car and hopefully there will be metered street parking cause it was still before 8. I get ready in 7 minutes and get to campus by 7:45. So, now I spend 10 minutes driving around looking for parking. I find a spot on the street, directly next to the building my class is in. Only problem: it's one hour parking. It's most likely I will be in class over an hour cause I have to stay and talk to the GSI after class. I decided to just say "fuck it" and pray no parking enforcement people drive by...I get to class 5 minutes early (WHEW!) and then I realize I can't find my homework. I did it, printed it out, put in my binder..but now it's gone. SHIT. It's due today, no exceptions. My GSI walks in at that moment and I go up to introduce myself and explain my situation. I ask if I can run back to my apartment and get the assignment...she says to just email it to her and she understands. How awesome is she? Most people wouldn't let you do that. (If I didn't turn in this hw, I could get no higher than a C- in the course.) Then, she lets us out a few minutes early and I get back to my car with ONE MINUTE left on the meter. :) Safe! Apparently today, the powers that be decided I deserved a break. Thank goodness. Hopefully this will be what starts my life getting back to good. C'mon Ellesse-it's our turn for some good luck!

My car is dead. Who knows why, it just decided it'd be fun to die when I really needed it to work. Awesome. I can't get ahold of Mark, which is even more awesome. I feel so goddamn alone right now I want to scream. I have to wait until like 8, call AAA and get my car jumped, then drive straight home to my parents' house and pray that my car doesn't die on the damn freeway. If I didn't have to work tomorrow, I would just stay in Berkeley tonight and leave tomorrow afternoon. But that's not really an option right now. FUCK FUCK FUCK! I don't really have much else to say right now. FUCK!